Get up offa that thang

One time, I decided I wanted to exercise. I was going to run. No, I'm not joking. I really got it into my head (somehow) that running and I were going to be Best Friends. I'd be all Oh hey, let's hang out. and Running would say, Okay, sure. and I'd say, I really want to go buy a new book and read it while I eat a whole bunch of Peaches and Cream Oatmeal with vanilla ice cream on top and then maybe shopping for shoes and Running would glare at me and say, Fat chance sucker. Put on your pink tennis shoes.

Wait, what?! Okay, maybe I just needed more friends.

Anyways, because I hadn't run since the Ninth Grade Mile I was forced to run every Friday, I did what any novice runner would do: I Googled. Up came From Couch to 5K. I was so up for anything involving a couch, though Bed would have been a better choice, I clicked. I printed. I put on my damn pink tennis shoes. But, first I needed to make an Ipod play list. And hunt down some water bottles. And socks. And I probably ate some oatmeal with ice cream on top just for, you know, energy or whatever.

I took off down the street. Couch to 5K told me I should start out walking for five minutes then alternate jogging for 60 seconds with walking for 90 seconds for week one. Please. I eat a carton of ice cream faster than that. I skipped week one. I also skipped weeks two, three, four and five.

Jog for five minutes. Oh, heck yes. Five minutes is cake. That's like the time it takes me to shower. I took off jogging.

60 seconds. No problem. Haha! Obviously skipping week one was a good choice. Week one was for SUCKERS! 

Two minutes. This is tough. 

Two minutes and five seconds. Why is this happening to me?! Running, we're supposed to be friends. Why are you gossiping about me to all the cool girls? Why are you laughing at me??? Why do I feel like I WANT TO DIE!?!?!? THIS RELATIONSHIP IS OVER! !@)*(#*)$#&*!)*


And that's when I decided to do yoga.


-whitters

Busy Little Thing

I think giving up laziness for Lent is the best choice I've ever made (love you B!).

Not only do I work at my ever-increasingly-fantastic full time job -- that's sarcasm, folks-- I've also been lucky enough to pick up a writing project on the side for the (truly) fantastic site ReferAll.com. If you're a business owner (or lover!), this is the site for YOU. I finally feel like I'm actually putting my talents to use!

THANK GOODNESS!

-whitters

Delicious-ness aka I'm obsessed with The Copper Onion

I love to eat. Did you know that? I know I'm a scrawny little guy, but seriously. Food.

If the sun can manage to shine for more than two hours, I want to try out some new places. It's been a long while since I have tried anything new. My love affair with the carbonara at The Copper Onion has prevented me from trying anything new. That pasta is like heaven on earth. It was the first solid food I ate after having my gum graft. The cook remembers me when I come in (or is really, really good at pretending) and the staff is attentive. I haven't been there in awhile and I think I need to go ba-

No, I need to try some new places.

The Rose Establishment.Salt Lake City. Definitely trying this one out for my early-out Friday's. Tiny coffee house, but it looks really cute. I'm a sucker for cute.

Britton's Sandy. I'm probably going to try this one out today while I wait for Kenzie to be done with harp lessons.

Tin Roof Grill Sandy. I pass this when I drive right by the gym I should be frequenting because I've given up laziness for Lent. Probably going to try this on a Friday too.

Tin Angel Cafe  Salt Lake City. Not to be confused with the above. This place apparently sponsors my other love in life, NPR. One Yelper said her friend from Provo described the Tin Angel as "Hippie Nonsense." I'm on board with that! Anything Happy Valley hates, I love. Definitely another early-out Friday pick. Gnocchi! Brie! Mushrooms! Chickpeas! If I wasn't diversifying my assets tomorrow (you think I'm joking, but I'm not), I would stop by here. Maybe I still will...diversify my ass..ets. I wish. Then maybe my pants will stop falling down. Maybe I should give up being scrawny for Lent.




-whitters

Eight Moments in the Life of the Writer: Eight

So, I'm fairly good with words. You must agree if you're reading this. I like words. I like big words. Small words. New words. Nerdy words. One of my favorite books is the Phantom Tollbooth because of the proliferation of puns. (Apparently they are making it into a movie!!!)

JoHanna and I are in charge of writing a handbook for my work. The handbook is about kitchen remodeling. I have never remodeled anything nor do I know anything about it. But, here JoHanna and I are writing a handbook. It looks amazing, by the way, and is really good.  I'd use it. After many drafts, we present our book to our boss. He looks at it. Reads it. Practically points out each word with his finger the way a kindergartener does. He stops.

'I don't like this word."

"Which word?"

"Problematic."

"Uh, why?"

"It's a Big Word."

"Problematic? I use it all the time...it's not a hard word..."

"Oh. Sorry. We didn't all go to [Fancy Liberal Arts University in Southern California]."

Blank stare. More blank stare. Really blank stare. This is starting to get problematic.

"Well.  I've been speaking since I was six months old. I've been collecting words ever since. So..."

Laugh. Laugh. Laugh.

Apparently, problematic is now a Five Dollar Word.

pedantic, pretentious boor. 

Side note: An ex-boyfriend's sister-in-law majored in journalism. At her Thank You All for Coming wedding speech, she said she didn't want to write anything down because it would probably sound pretentious.

Hey, congratulations. Not being pretentious? Didn't happen.

Then, the entire family made fun of her behind her back. Which is malicious, spiteful, or overbearing.  See what I did there?

You might be addicted to books if...

thanks picaresque. i like that her url means pen name. :)

1. You buy your purses based on how many books you can fit inside. {Yes, yes, yes! Although, now that I have a Kindle, I don't need a big bag...}
2. The Fed Ex and UPS carriers, know you by name. [Well...not because of books. Usually because of the strange things I buy off of Etsy. But, that's a different post.]
3. Your family refuses to buy you books because they don't want to support your habit. [My family is full of enablers.]
4. You own multiple versions of the same book. [I do. But, usually because I lose them. Then find them. Then lose them again. Or ruin them with bathtub water or sand.]
5. You dream about books. (Getting them... meeting the authors that write them.) [Not sure about this one.]
6. You always have at least one book on you at all times. Even if it's just a quick trip to the dollar store. [Kindlegarten is with me at all times. Everywhere I go. Work, mall, car wash...]
7. You usually help shoppers at the bookstore, because you are more knowledgeable than the staff. [Noo...I did that once a Sephora though and I thought the girl working there might stab me with a makeup brush. Go Makeup Forever!]
8. You've been known to skip family functions or outings with friends because you can't stop reading. [Yes. I like books more than you.]
9. There are books in every room of your house. [Everywhere.]
10. If you are within five miles of a bookstore, you find yourself drawn to it like a homing device from the mothership. [I work by Barnes and Noble. I have to tell myself to look away.]

Eight Moments in the Life of the Writer: Number 6

By eleven, I was no longer hiding in the corner. I moved onto the glamorous world of broadcast journalism. Up in our tree house, I penned the talk of the town. Car crashes happened, babies were born, tornadoes zoomed through the city and ball games were won. Then, behind the official news desk of our trundle bed, my brother and I were live, my dad filming and our six year old sister forecasting the weather. She was at least as accurate as our local weatherman. I later related this tale to a boy in my Psych. class at BYU.

“And that,” I explained, “is why I want to be a journalist.”

He looked at me like I was, well, a girl who just told him her college education was based on a hide-a-bed, bad weather reports and fast-breaking news. We all can dream right? You’d think I would remember the Turkey Incident, but I didn’t. Sometimes people just don’t get it. Now, I tell myself, it’s important to tell the truth as a writer, but maybe not all of it at once.

Life After College

"There is no there, or better state. Make the most of this one – it is right where you should be – and the only place that’s real"

-Jenny Blake

Jenny Blake runs the website lifeaftercollege.org. A whole website dedicated to my state of being! Perfect. She's super smart and give great advice.

Tonight, my little sister and I are going to see Legally Blonde! I'm excited, this is one of my favorite movies. Plus, then I get to go to the theatre which is way better than the theater.

I feel like buying a pink dress....but it's too cold in this stupid state to wear one. Weather, where do you get off SNOWING on the fourth day of Spring? Snow thanks.

As part of following my inner bliss, today I am downloading my new and improved resume.

El sueño de la razón produce monstruo

Homework:

♥ Discover what your 'real self' would do.

Draw a line down the centre of a page in your journal, labeling one ‘ego’ and one ‘real self.’ I’m going to give you four situations, and in each column I want you to write how your current ego would behave, and how you would really like to behave. If they match up, great! You’ve traveled so far in this journey and your amazing life is really coming together. If they don’t match, there’s still a little work to do.

1. You’re in a classroom debate, you know you have an excellent idea but there are a lot of big personalities talking all at once and you’re not sure you could back up your claim. Do you flush in the cheeks and say nothing, or bite the bullet and say your piece whatever the outcome?

• I think my ego would sit quietly and not say much. My real self (or ideal self) would speak up about what I think. In a tactful manner, of course.

2. Whilst shopping you spot a stunning dress that you could totally afford. It isn’t your normal style and is perhaps a bit dressy for everyday wear. Do you opt for a more sensible, plain style which won’t make you stand out, or throw caution to the wind and decide it is your chance to make a statement with your clothing?

• I'm always a bit dressed up for every day wear. I'd go for it.

3. You spot an advert for a job which has a great rate of pay and is exactly the kind of thing you’d love to do, but you don’t have every skill they list, and you know loads of people will apply for such a great position. Do you let it go, or apply anyway, deciding you’ll dazzle them regardless and simply chalk it up to experience if they reject you?

• Story of my life. Apply anyways. At least you tried.

4. Whilst on the bus a beautiful girl comes to sit next to you. She is dressed in a sparkly, interesting outfit and gives you a big smile. You can hear her iPod playing one of your favourite songs, and she pulls out the very same book you currently have on your bedside table at home. Do you feel intimidated that she is so much prettier and more expressive than you, or start up a conversation with the aim to make friends?

• My ego sits and feels like a loser because...obviously. My ideal self would be all, "OMG! Let's be friends." I can't talk to girls very well. They scare me. :)

I think M.Y.L.A. is working.